Yes, Prime Minister (Best of...)

Jim: What's an official reply?
Bernard: Well it just says the Minister has asked me to thank you for your letter and we say something like, the matter is under consideration, or even if we feel so inclined, under active consideration.
Jim: What's the difference?
Bernard: Well under consideration means we've lost the file, under active consideration means we're trying to find it.

- The Official Visit


Jim: Stalling technique?
Tom: Yeah, comes in five stages. First of all he'll tell you that your administration is very new and that there's lots of things to be getting on with.
Jim: Told me that this morning.
Tom: Eh, quite. Then if you still persist whatever your idea is he'll say something like, er yes Minister I quite appreciate the intention certainly something ought to be done but are you sure this is the right way to achieve it.
Jim: I must make a note of this.
Tom: Now if you are still unperturbed he will shift his ground, he will shift from telling you how to do, to when you should do it, you know I mean he'll say now Minister this is not the right time, for all sorts of reasons.
Jim: What and he expects Ministers to settle for that.
Tom: Well lots do and if you don't he'll simply say that the policy has run into difficulties.
Jim: Such as?
Tom: Technical, political, legal. Now legal are the best sort because he can make these totally incomprehensible and with any luck this stalling technique will have lasted for about three years and you'll know that you're at the final stage where he says now Minister we're getting very close to the run up to the next general election are you sure you can get this policy through.

- Big Brother


Jim: Most of our journalists are so incompetent they'd have the gravest difficulty in finding out that today is Wednesday.
Bernard: It's actually Thursday.
Jim: (points to door)

- The Compassionate Society


Jim: The public does care that this money is misspent.
Sir Humphrey: With respect Minister, they care that it should not be seen to be misspent.

- The Compassionate Society


Jim: Shred it.
Bernard: Shred it?
Jim: No one must ever be able to find it again.
Bernard: In that case, Minister, I think it's best I file it.

- The Death List


Jim: What do you think Bernard.
Bernard: Ah, well ah, I think ... ah that, bearing everything in mind ... and, after due consideration and, ah considering all the implications and, points of view, um, that, well, in other words, in fact I am, um, bound to say that ... you look awfully good on television, Minister.

- The Greasy Pole



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