27 novembro 2007

Human gaming behavior:
clues for a successful invasion and conquest of planet Earth

Ç. Meiguito (1), Ç. Manguito (2)

(1) Research scholar (presently stationed on planet Earth)
Martian Academy of Sciences
Masonic Building, French Quarter, MS 35
Skulls and Bones Avenue, n. 117, Scientology City, Opus Day District, 9200-073 Mars

(2) an Earthling collaborator with paranormal capabilities, informally adopted by (1)

Human response to the invasion of planet Earth by Martian troops is a major concern amongst many high rank officials of the Martian Space Fleet. While decades of abduction-based studies have only produced a puzzling collection of inconsistent and inconclusive thoughts on this issue, recent indirect and non-intrusive studies of Human behavior, performed during their day-to-day activities, promise to finally unveil the probable reaction of our Earthling neighbors during an invasion of planet Earth. Within the horde of Human activities, gaming and gambling are known to present Earthlings with stressful, time-limited decision making situations that may prove useful in studying their behavior and extrapolating their response during an invasion. Based on these thoughts, an initial study of the gaming behavior of a randomly chosen Earthling has been performed, the results of which are reported in this paper.

Invasion of Planet Earth, Human behavior, gaming, Solitaire, statistics, learning curve, Tyra Banks, global warming, warfare

Ever since the Roswell incident, successive local Earthling governments have inconspicuously supported and promoted all hobbies covertly classified by a group of local intelligence agencies as “activities that prepare the body and mind for an invasion of planet Earth by Alien troops”. Today, such activities involve not only Darwin-evolution-denial Sunday school, learn-how-to-live-off-berries-in-the-wild scout camps, or shot-your-own-food hunting trips, but also encompass a multitude of micro-processor-based games that provide Humans with extensive training and practice in manipulating a massive arsenal of (mostly inexistent) weapons to annihilate hordes of Martians, other Aliens and really ugly flesh-eating Monsters. In addition, local Earthling governments strongly endorse the release of endless audio-video documents, viewed as depicting the true intentions of invading Aliens and instructive as how Humans may defend their planet from the space invaders. Human “common knowledge” on Aliens is frequently recycled with “novel” remakes of the same-usual-space-invader stories, made widely accessible through both TV reruns and portable digital copies of such audio-video documents. The usual dramatic but Human-favorable, “happy-ending” outcome of such mind-refreshing documents not only boosts Human moral and confidence but also helps local governments control and silence any inconvenient comments and observations made by the more curious, bright and inquisitive Human spirits. Considering that frequent UFO (unidentified flying object) observations and abduction-based tales could degenerate in widespread panic among the Human population, a certain portion of the local scientific community has been “persuaded” by local governments to openly report on their alleged efforts to explore the space beyond their atmosphere. Based mostly on primitive satellites and phony probes, such efforts are said to unveil a water-rich, Martian-free Mars that poses absolutely no threat to Earth and Earthlings. More serious attempts to spy on the Martian Space Fleet, disguised as scientific missions, have relied on rudimentary satellite and robotic gadgets sent out to probe the surface of Mars. While some of these contraptions have either naturally failed to operate or have landed in dessert sections of Mars, others thought to pose a minimal level of intelligence-related security risk have been deactivated by the Martian bomb squadron. However, in all cases, such contraptions always pose serious health risks: besides the potential contamination with biological agents naturally present in the Earths environment (such as the deadly bird-flu), such contraptions may some day be armed with lethal chemical or biological agents such as nerve gas, ebola virus or yogurt

The risks posed by these invasive activities have sparked a reign of terror amongst the peaceful inhabitants of our beloved Red planet and has motivated much debate on which course of action to adopt. While most leaders believe all alien objects reaching Martian soil need to be disposed of immediately, some argue that a complete disposal of all alien contraptions may arouse suspicion amongst Human authorities. Therefore, some gadgets arriving at remote desert sections of Mars have been allowed to operate. Unfortunately, these poor political decisions have only engaged Humans even more.

Also, as global warming of the Red planet progresses, many scientists believe that the rise of the average temperature above the triple point of water will initiate a massive vaporization of the Martian polar ice caps. Many scientific and military authorities believe that the detection of significant amounts of water vapor along the surface of Mars may entice Humans to invade and colonize Mars as soon as it is technically possible.

Considering the aforementioned concerns, many Red planet inhabitants feel it has come time to act, to take the next step and invade planet Earth. A successful invasion and conquest of planet Earth by the Martian Space Fleet will require not only the defeat of the many super-heroes that inhabit this planet - such as Mr. Inacreditable, James Bond, Austin Powers, Bat-man, Rabobi and Sarrevla
[2] - and overcome the distracting, hip-notic seduction of certain venus-type Human females – such as Tyra Banks – but will also require Martian troops to know precisely how both the Human armed forces and the average Earthling will respond to the invasion.

Human response to the invasion of planet Earth by Martian troops is a major concern amongst many high rank officials of the Martian Space Fleet. In particular, both the individual survival instinct and the capability of the highly dispersed Earthling armed forces to fight back against an invasion remain unclear, despite the many abduction-based studies performed in the past. It is now argued by many scientists that intrusive abduction-based studies lead to inconsistent and inconclusive results, given the highly unpredictable behavior of Earthlings when subject to frightening sessions of apiculture-activated response to prolonged interrogations performed by 7-eyed, slimy looking, greenish bush-shaped inquisitors. Many researchers claim that reliable data can only be attained by performing non-intrusive, indirect studies of Human behavior during usual, day-to-day activities. Within the horde of Human activities, gaming and gambling are known to present Earthlings with stressful, time-limited decision making situations that may prove useful in studying their behavior and extrapolating their response during an invasion. Based on these thoughts, an initial study of the gaming behavior of a randomly chosen Earthling, named herein as LC, has been performed, the results of which are reported in this paper.

Experimental procedure
The study subject, LC, is the average two-leg, two-arm, one head, two eyes, two ears, a nose and a mouth, lazy but alert Earthling. Although never abducted by Aliens, he did sight a couple of drones operating earlier this year. As most earthlings, LC spends some of his time playing some micro-processor-based games as an entertainment activity. He does this on his Pentium IV, 2.4Ghz, 500MB RAM, 2003 Triudus laptop that runs Windows XP Home Ed., SP1. During the first two months of 2006, LC played Solitaire almost every day on this computer. Unknowingly, all his gaming activity was recorded and analyzed in detail by the Manguito research team.

The collected data is plotted in Figure 1.

Figure 1 – LC Solitaire gaming results. The score obtained at the end of each complete game is plotted against the corresponding game duration. The green line represents a linear fit to the experimental points.

One sees that the game score depends strongly on the game duration. With a coefficient of linear correlation equal to -0.967, the linear interpolation traced in Figure 1 hints at a maximum possible score of about 6930 points and estimates the score to decrease over time at a rate of 14.6 points per second. This score-decreasing-over-time characteristic makes Solitaire ideal for the present study since it places the player in a stressful, time-limited decision making situation.

Figure 1 shows that LCs ability at Solitaire spreads over a relatively wide range: the game score presents a standard deviation of 402 around an average game score of 3622 points, while the game duration presents a standard deviation of 27 around an average game duration of 226 seconds. In a first analysis, one may attribute this variability solely to the variable degree of difficulty associated to each individual Solitaire game or to the highly unpredictable behavior of Earthlings when under stress. However, an analysis of the gaming history data, graphed in Figure 2, clearly reveals another contribution: the variability in LCs gaming results is also a consequence of the accumulated effect that successive Solitaire experiences have on LCs ability at Solitaire.

Figure 2 – LC Solitaire learning curve. The graph depicts the 7 event moving average over time.

The data in Figure 2 show how LC got better and better at playing Solitaire over time, not only as he learnt from trial and error but also as he gained more skill and mental agility. Over the time span of this study, LCs abilities at Solitaire improved by approximately 17%.

The obtained results suggest that Earthlings don’t necessarily break under pressure. In fact, the study subject appeared to be motivated by the time-limited decision making situations presented by Solitaire and clearly revealed an inherent ability to fight the crippling effects of stress and learn from successive trial and error experiences.

Given the prejudice and misconception that Earthlings have of Martians, fueled by decades of condemnable abduction-based studies and local government endorsed propaganda, one can expect a fierce fight-back reaction from Humans if ever we, sons and daughters of the Red planet, decide to invade and conquer their Blue planet. And given the results of this study, one can expect Earthlings to get better and better over time at fighting the Martian invasion.

The obtained results suggest that Earthlings possess the ability to learn from trial and error experiences, which clearly benefits their long term response and performance. Based on this observation, the authors of the present study recommend that any invasion of planet Earth be performed in a single, off-guard, overwhelming strike that eliminates any possible Human response. Failure to immediately conquer planet Earth would undoubtedly trigger an agonizingly long insurgent campaign that would ultimately lead to a defeat of the invading forces.

As to future work, the Manguito research team expects to extend this study to a significantly larger population of Earthlings, so as to gather statistically relevant data.

The author Çakana Meiguito thanks the Martian Science Foundation (MSF) for financial support under grant xpto-15-quinje-a-jero. This author also expresses thankfulness for the many recent interplanetary trips provided by the Martian Space Fleet.

[1] may the reader be reminded that biological warfare is one of the most ancient tactics used by Humans to win wars and to conquer and vanquish adversaries, used knowingly and unknowingly by the new-world comers to exterminate the native American Indians.
[2] Beware!, although having been reported dead, no hard, physical evidence was never produced


Blogger FlorGrela Estampa said...


2:59 da tarde  
Anonymous Dr Matt Cunha said...

This is bound to bring more readers to Vistalegre!!!

8:37 da tarde  
Anonymous Fiambrelete said...

Será que o Meiguito se inscreveu para um doutoramento?

1:18 da tarde  
Anonymous Juan Hónimo said...

MAS... o Çakana Manguito afinal não é PAI do Meiguito????? O Meiguito é que o adoptou????? Ou estou a ler mal...??...

4:39 da tarde  
Anonymous Meiguito said...

O Papa Cakana esta a ficar velho. Eu, um filho responsavel, decidi adopta-lo, po-lo A minha responsabilidade, cuidar dele.
Quanto ao doutoramento ... nem pensar ... nao tenho tempo para isso.

7:52 da tarde  

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